RAISING KIDS: GETTING IT RIGHT
Raising kids is tough work, isn’t it? In a recent ABC News poll, six of ten mothers stated that they worry about their parenting skills. Half feel guilty that they aren’t better at it. 70% feel that it’s harder to be a parent today than a generation ago.
It’s hard to find the right balance when it comes to raising kids, isn’t it? 53% of mothers in that same poll said they indulge their kids more than did their own mothers. In a materialistic culture, it’s tough not to give kids everything they beg for. The ads that children soak in from the moment they’re old enough to watch TV turn children into consumers before they start pre—school. And the problem isn’t just in North America. In China today, where government policy encourages one child families, children are so spoiled and pampered that sociologists now talk about a nation of little emperors and little empresses.
Yet in a world that overindulges children, millions of children are used and abused. In the United States, 2500 cases of child neglect and abuse are confirmed daily. Often these children are abused because parents find their children impositions on their time and resources—roadblocks to satisfying their own selfish wants and desires.
From overindulging children to the neglect of children——the pendulum swings from one extreme to another. Even Christian parents struggle with these pressures. I have talked to many parents who struggle with the way their children spark their quick temper. And I have talked to parents who struggle with how much to give their kids in the way of material things. Often, these are the same parents. They struggle with both sides of the parenting coin. They will admit that they can be verbally abusive one day, losing their cool with their kids—and overindulgent the next! These parents try to compensate for their parenting failures by giving their kids more than they need! Yes, it’s tough raising kids today.
Now, I’m going to suggest that the way you see your children makes a big difference in how you raise them. If you see your kids—and yourself—as essentially consumers whose happiness is found in material things—then you’re on your way to parenting problems. You’ll be tempted to overindulge your kids, thinking that good parenting can be measured by how much you can spend on your children’s whims. And when the financial pressures of raising a family mess up your own desire to live a consumer lifestyle, you’ll find your kids frustrating—spoiling your own chances of living the good life.
I’m wondering——how do you see your children? Do you see your kids as God sees them? You know, in the church of Jesus Christ, kids count. After all, Jesus Christ took little children on his knee and blessed them. Jesus even told his followers that unless they become as little children they could not enter the Kingdom of God. In fact, Jesus values children so highly that he considers their child—like trust to be a model of what real discipleship is about. To Jesus, kids matter a great deal.
It’s not surprising then, that when you read Scripture, you often encounter families that God chose to include in the grand story of redemption. You find stories that help us understand how our own families can be woven into God’s redemptive plans today.
PROBLEMS AT HOME
Consider I Samuel 1. That’s where you find the story of the birth of a boy named Samuel. There was a man named Elkanah who had two wives, Hannah and Penniah. And those two wives didn’t get along very well. If you want to know why the Biblical ideal is monogamy—the marriage of one man and one woman——all you need do is look at the dynamics in Elkanah’s family. Not surprisingly, there is tension in this home. And that tension exploded between Hannah and Penniah on the matter of kids. Penniah had them and Hannah didn’t. And Penniah wasn’t going to let Hannah forget it.
Now, I don’t believe Hannah needed Penniah to remind her of her childlessness. I’m sure it was a grief that was always with her. And frankly, there are those of us who can relate to her pain.
After my wife and I married, children didn’t come on the scene immediately. And I remember the emotional pain we experienced whenever couples in our congregation announced that they were looking forward to a new arrival. And our pain didn’t become as intense as some. I have known childless couples who couldn’t bring themselves to attend church when a baby was baptized—the hurt was just too overwhelming. I know there are those who are listening to this message today who understand Hannah’s tears. They know the pain of wanting to hold in their arms their own flesh and blood, and that joy, that blessing, for one reason or another, doesn’t happen.
Now, if you experience the pain of Hannah, it would be good to remember that the God of Scripture is God to the childless as well as to the fatherless. There is a God who cares. And that God responds very differently to our pain than does Penniah, who maliciously probes Hannah’s wounded heart again and again. There is a God who responds very differently than an Eli, who is so uncomprehending of Hannah’s pain that he assumes she has broken into the liquor cabinet and drowned her sorrows in alcohol. There is a God who understands, who cares about our hurts, and invites us to bring our hurts to him.
And that is what has happens in this story. Hannah pours forth her pain to God on one of the great festive days in Israel. You see, in Hannah’s day, the temple had yet to be built in Jerusalem. The ark of the covenant resided in the tabernacle, at a place called Shiloh. Every year, it was to Shiloh that worshippers would go to offer sacrifice to God. It was to Shiloh that God’s people came to join in a time of feasting.
Elkanah knew that this festival was hard on Hannah. When we are deep in the throes of our own grief, the laughter of others just underscores our own suffering. Many of us find the Christmas holidays, for example, especially painful because family gatherings remind us of the loss of someone we love. Elkanah tried his best to alleviate some of that pain. That is why he would give Hannah a special portion of good things at the feast——a portion of special honor. For after all, he said to Hannah, “Isn’t my love better than ten sons?“
Well, no it isn’t. Anyone who has tried to encourage someone who is grieving knows that it doesn’t work merely to tell someone how good they have it in other ways. Hannah hurts. For especially in ancient Israel, before the birth of Messiah, to have no children was to feel as though the future of Israel is passing you by. In Hannah’s day, every mother hoped her child would be the Messiah. Without children, Hannah felt as though she was losing her place in God’s people of promise.
And so Hannah goes out and prays—she pleads with God. And this prayer—for reasons known to God alone—is answered. Hannah will bear a child. And when the child is born she gives the child the name of SAMUEL. Now, why the name Samuel? Well, because the name Samuel tells us that this boy will have a very special role in the history of God’s people. Samuel will be caught up in happenings that will one day lead to the fulfillment of the hope in which Hannah lives. Samuel, her son, will have a ministry that will figure in God’s history that one day will lead to the birth of the Savior.
But that name, Samuel, also speaks to me about the true nature of children today.
SAMUEL: ASKED OF THE LORD
Let me explain. Samuel is a name that first of all means, “Asked of the Lord.“ Now, that name implies that this child so wanted by Hannah, was received as a GIFT from God.
Children are God’s gift. Do you believe that? It would be good to remember the God—given nature of children, especially in an age when many couples who face infertility turn not to prayer but to medical science. It’s easy for us to say—“you know, in past years, couples who wanted children had prayer. But today, we have ultrasounds, and fertility tests, and medical procedures and so much more.
Of course medical science does offer wonderful assistance to those who have a difficult time conceiving children. But the wonders of science must not blind us to the truth about kids. Children aren’t mere biological happenings, or even medical miracles. Children remain GOD’S GIFTS. They are to be Asked of the Lord. Only when we see our children as Samuels will we understand their true identity.
I’m wondering if you have thought about the way the Christian faith helps parents affirm and celebrate this important perspective on their children’s identity. As a parent, I am wondering whether you have thought about the importance of raising your children in a home where children are welcomed as a gifts from God.
It’s an important issue. You know, we are raising children in a world where a key question becomes: “Who am I?“ One of the big questions that children will ask as they pass through adolescence is this question of identity. “Who am I?“ Do we as parents have a clear answer to that question? Are we prepared to help our children think through an answer? We need to be. For in the world today there are a lot of answers to that question of identity that can lead our kids in wrong directions.
“You are a sexual being—say voices that emerge from many parts of the entertainment industry. Popular films and music declare to youth that their bodies are their most important possession. So display it. Flaunt it. Serving the pleasure principle is what life is all about.
Other voices tell young people that essentially they are ?thinking beings.’ In fact, many young people today are saying that the toughest part of high school is academic—it’s the pressure to get into a great college and make it in a successful career. They’re being told: “Absorb facts. Get good grades. Knowledge is power. You live in the information age. The more information you can access, the more successful you can be. You are a biological computer.“
“Who am I?“ Parents who know Jesus can offer their children a different identity. They can help them discover that they are gifts from God. That their very identity is interwoven with God’s love and grace. How freeing it is to discover that our value isn’t found first of all in what we accomplish, or how much we can spend, but in who we are in relationship with God.
SAMUEL: LENT TO THE LORD
But now a second thing——for the name Samuel can carry a second meaning. The name Samuel means not only ASKED of the Lord, it also means LENT to the Lord. Lent to the Lord. The child asked of the Lord is the child we now are called to lend to the Lord. Raising children as God’s gift means recognizing that their highest purpose in this world will be to find the way God intends to use their gifts and talents. Their highest purpose in this world is to find the unique ways their lives can glorify and honor God.
For Hannah, that reality of lending her son to the Lord took a special form. It took the form of offering her child to God as a Nazarite. Nazarites filled a special role in the world of the Old Testament. They were especially set part to the Lord. Forbidden to cut their hair, approach a corpse, or even drink any product of the vineyard, the rules laid upon a Nazarite seem strange to us today. But they were obvious signs to the community that a Nazarite was set apart to God in a special way.
We should not minimize the sacrifice required on Hannah’s part to ?lend her child to the Lord.’ We’re tempted to romanticize the story, and think that Samuel was about the age of 18 or 21 when she sent him off to Eli for special training. He wasn’t. He was three. Samuel was little more than a toddler when his mother brought him to Shiloh to live with Eli. After that, Hannah would see her son ONCE a year, when she herself came to Shiloh to celebrate the feast. Never under—estimate what the name “Lent to the Lord“ will mean for Hannah.
Now, we don’t take Nazarite vows today. Since the coming of Christ, every believer is to be equally dedicated to God’s service. Every child is meant to be ?lent to the Lord.“
But I wonder whether that vision really pervades the way we raise our children. I’m wondering whether we raise our kids to hear the voice of God in their lives. You may remember that when Samuel was about 12 years old, he was awakened at night by a voice calling his name. It was the voice of God. Eli told Samuel that there was only one way to respond to that voice. When his name is called again, Samuel should say: “Speak, Lord, for your servant hears.“
I wonder whether we give our children the same wise advice. I don’t know what you want for your kids. Maybe you struggle with paying the bills, and hope your kids will make it big financially. Maybe your kid is good at sports, and you have hopes he’ll make it into the big leagues. Now, here’s the truth—what we want for our kids isn’t as important as what God wants. Real success for our children is helping them discover that they are ?lent to the Lord.’ Real success for our children comes from discovering their fit in God’s world. Real success comes from figuring out how God intends to use us to serve others, to build his church, to honor his name.
PUTTING OUR HOUSE IN ORDER
I hope that today you see your children God’s way. Children are God’s gifts entrusted to our care to prepare them to find their role in God’s Kingdom. If we see our kids from God’s perspective, it changes the way we parent. It allows us to concentrate on our children’s real needs. Giving our children the best doesn’t mean giving our children the most expensive toys and gadgets. Giving our children the best means introducing them to Jesus Christ. Helping them discover that real success is found in discovering and doing God’s will for their lives.
But to act on this perspective assumes that you yourself as a parent take Jesus Christ seriously. A lot of parents today try to parent without real spiritual resources. A lot of parents think that spiritual issues aren’t very significant for their day—to—day parenting. They’re wrong. The patience—and wisdom——we need for parenting is what we receive from our own relationship with God. Helping our kids understand who they are begins with parents who know where they stand with Jesus Christ.
If you aren’t in a relationship of trust and commitment to Jesus Christ, I ask you to consider his claims. I invite you to hear his voice calling you into a walk of faith. Your work of parenting is too big to handle on your own. God’s grace, goodness and insight are available to bless you—and your family.
Robert Heerspink
Rev. Robert Heerspink is a native of west Michigan. He completed his undergraduate studies at Calvin College and holds the degrees of Master of Divinity and Master of Theology from Calvin Theological Seminary. He has also received a Doctor of Ministry degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Bob was ordained a minister of the Word in the Christian Reformed Church of North America in 1979, and has 26 years of parish experience, having served four churches throughout west Michigan. He was appointed the Director of The Back to God Hour in 2006. Bob has written several resources related to congregational stewardship, including the book, Becoming a Firstfruits Congregation. He is a regular contributor to TODAY, the monthly devotional of The Back to God Hour. Bob is married to Edith (Miedema) and they have three children. His hobbies include reading fictional and historical works, watersports, and occassional golfing.
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