I'm Confused!

By: Howard Vanderwell

Scripture Reading: Psalm 73

August 9th, 2009

Sometimes there seems to be a big gap between “theory” and “fact”, between “what is” and “what we think ought to be.” Let me explain what I mean.
  • My theory, probably yours too, is that people who are hard working, faithful, come to work on time, put in a full day’s work, and are trusted employees ought to feel very secure in their jobs. The fact is that millions of them have lost their jobs today because of cut backs.
  • My theory also is that people who take care of themselves, eat right, exercise regularly, and get proper rest should be healthy people. The fact is that one of my friends, who lives that way, had an unexpected severe heart attack some time ago and was cut down in the prime of life.
  • My theory is that parents, who love their children, do their best to train them properly, and set a good example for them, ought to have happy, obedient children who thrive. The fact is that many sincere parents are hurting terribly because of a rebellious child.
Like I said, there often seems to be a big gap between “theory” and “fact”. And it goes the other way too.
  • A lot of folks who lie, cheat and, in general, take advantage of other people, and ought to be paying a big price for such selfish and unethical behavior, are, in fact, thriving in prosperity.
  • People who are greedy and ruin businesses ought to be held accountable. But in fact many of them get millions in bonuses.
  • I read some time ago of a convicted sex offender, a man who is a danger to any community in which he lives, who played the lottery, and won. He’s now a convict, but very rich, man.
And then I feel a lot of confusion. Do you ever feel that? Are you perhaps wrestling with that today, that there is so much in life that doesn’t seem to add up, just doesn’t make sense? Well, then you are probably very much at home with the words of Psalm 73 that we just read. It’s one of those very honest, earthy, candid Psalms in the Word of God. Psalm 73 is called a “Psalm of Asaph”. Now, it appears that Asaph was David’s chief musician. Let’s think of him as the choir leader, as director of music in David’s time. That probably points to the fact that these words of Psalm 73 were made available for use in worship, perhaps written by Asaph, or by David with Asaph’s collaboration, with perhaps others making contributions too. Now, if you have ever wanted to cry out, “this just isn’t fair…life isn’t fair” then this Psalm is for you. Just listen to these words again. The Psalmist is watching the wicked and noticing they seem to get away with murder. Listen to him.
I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills.
And then he Psalmist blurts out…..
This is what the wicked are like— always carefree, they increase in wealth.
Now, that’s painful enough, but then he says, “and what about me?” And he asks some hard questions about whether his own efforts to live right have really been worth it.
Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning.
And finally he concludes,
When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me.
That’s a pretty heavy load for someone to carry, isn’t it? What’s happening in a heart with struggles like that? Whether it’s David’s heart or ours, there are four stages that we go through. Stage one is when we observe that there is a lot of evil in our world. And who of us doesn’t see that? It’s a world where a lot of things go wrong. I pulled up behind a van the other day on my commute home from the office, and I read the bumper sticker: “My grandchild was killed by a drunk driver and I’m M.A.D.D.” As a grandparent, I could have wept. Why do those things happen? Why do teenagers get shot on the streets of our cities? Why do little girls get raped? Why is there abuse in so many homes? Why do little children starve in the refugee camps of our world? Why do innocent people get heart attacks and cancer? That’s stage one — when we come to realize how pervasive the evil of our world really is. Stage two comes when we notice that evil like that happens to good Christian people too. Evil does not discriminate. Both Christians and non—Christians get hurt, victimized, are struck with accidents, heart attacks, and cancer. And maybe, in your mind, you feel you should be able to make a case for the fact that Christians should be protected from all that. Maybe you want to say, “look, people who trust God, who love him, who really do try to live for him, they ought to be exempt from all that painful stuff, shouldn’t they?” Are you ever tempted to feel that way? Well, that’s stage two. There is a lot of evil in this world; and even Christians feel the brunt of it all. And then along comes Stage three. It’s when we see the wicked getting away with their evil. They thumb their nose at God all day; they want nothing to do with God; and they get away with it, mind you! They defy God, and they seem to prosper! You heard the Psalm; it talks about the wicked who are always carefree and increase in wealth—even while they defy God and victimize other people. So it’s not just that we suffer, too, it’s the unfairness of it all. It’s all so very confusing! That’s stage three. And sometimes it even goes to Stage four. That’s the stage we enter when we are tempted to charge God with doing a very poor job of running things. Surely, you know how that goes. You’ve heard others express it, and maybe it’s been rumbling around in your own soul too. It goes like this, “God, you aren’t running things the way they ought to be run. God, you are treating us very unfairly. Where are you when the wicked get away with all this stuff? Why aren’t you stopping them?” And then sometimes we even go the next step and say, “God, either you start running things in a more fair and reasonable fashion, or give me a clear explanation of why you are doing things the way they are, or I’m going to charge you with failure; and then I don’t have to love you and trust you anymore!” So when Asaph and some of the others came to worship they had that kind of confusion rumbling around inside. “In vain”, they complained, “have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence”. Do you know about that? Has that kind of confusion rolled around inside of you? Then you know how they felt when they came to worship in David and Asaph’s day. And what happened? Do they find some help, some resolution? Is there some resolution for you when you feel that confused? Yes, resolution can come. But not in the way you would expect. We are a pretty rational society and so we want explanations. Our children expect us to train them that way by frequently asking, “well, just tell me why I have to do that!” Our businesses run that way and so management is always feeling the pressure to explain to their employees the thinking that is behind company policies. Even our government runs that way; we want explanations and answers that make sense or we threaten to turn them out of office next time around. And so it’s easy for us to think that our relationship with God ought to run that way too. And we would expect that when Asaph, and we, cry out to God that things aren’t making sense, and we’re confused about it all because it feels like we’ve been following him in vain… I say we would expect that God ought to come down with a good clear, lucid, rational explanation for it all. It’s like we would expect him to say, “well, now, let’s just sit down and have a little talk about it all. I know there is a lot in this world that confuses you and that makes it hard for you to trust me, but, here, let me explain these four things to you about why things are the way they are, and then you’ll feel better about it and be able to go on your way again.” Explanations… reasons… that’s what we look for and expect. But God doesn’t do that. He doesn’t do that here with Asaph. And for that matter, he didn’t do that with a fellow named Job either. I trust you know about that story. It’s in the Bible just before the book of Psalms. Job was an honest, God—fearing, faith—filled person…and everything, literally everything, went wrong for him. So for over 30 chapters Job and some friends of his wrestle with their confusion about it all, and though God does come to Job by the end of the book and does help him, he never sits down with him and gives a full rational intelligent explanation of why things are the way they are. He’s been that way with me too. In both my personal life, and my ministry as a pastor to many people who’ve been confused, I’ve cried this one a lot, and God has never come to sit down with me to provide a full, clear rational answer to it all. But for Asaph, and David, and the others, God does something else, something even more valuable. You will find the heart of this Psalm right near the middle of it. You see, there is a pattern in the Psalm. It starts with the first verse as a profession of faith, “Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.” That’s the starting point, and then comes the large section in which he sinks down into growling and complaining in verses 2 through 16. That’s the part we’ve been talking about, and it ends with verse 16 when Asaph blurts out, “when I tried to understand all this it was oppressive to me, just too much for me.” But, thank God, that’s not the end of the Psalm. How pathetic and hopelessly dark it would be if the Psalm ended there. As a matter of fact that’s not even the end of the sentence. But the next verse is a continuation of that same sentence, and the next verse begins with a very big word. Oh, it doesn’t seem big because it’s just a few letters, “till”. It’s a shortened form of the word “until”. We call it a conjunction, and usually we don’t pay a lot of attention to conjunctions. But this one is big because it signals a whole change in the direction of the Psalm. More than that, it signals a whole change of direction for the search that this man is growling about. It opens the door to a resolution. Listen to how it reads and you’ll catch what I mean. It really goes this way… I was so confused by it all; people serve God and suffer; other people snub God and get away with evil. It makes me feel like I’ve tried to do my best for God, but it was all in vain. When I tried to understand it all it just depressed me…..until…… And then there is a drum roll, and the solution marches in. We have found the pivotal point of the whole Psalm right there, and it’s often the pivotal point for many of us in our struggles too. Till. Until. Until what? Till I entered the sanctuary of God. The sanctuary of God! That’s where we meet God. We can resolve these problems, but not in the mall, not at work, not out in the coffee shop, but only when we go to those sacred places in this world where God and his people meet together. The Hebrews worshiping under Asaph’s leadership knew immediately what “sanctuary” meant. Perhaps they were right there when they were hearing these words. For them, it meant the Tabernacle, that holy place, that tent that God had given them instructions to build for their journey through the wilderness and for the Promised Land. It was where the ark of God was placed. It meant that place where the Levites led them in sacrifices, and praise, and hearing the Torah, the Word of God. But above everything else it meant being in the presence of God. For the next generation it would mean the Temple that Solomon constructed, that place that anticipated the coming of the Messiah. And for generations of believers down through the centuries it has meant everything from a home where they gathered for worship, to a small hut, to a modest chapel, to an ornate cathedral. But it’s not so much the location or the structure; it’s the fact that they encountered God there. When they entered sanctuary, they entered the presence of God in a special way and they engaged in an encounter with Him. So let’s call it “church” or “worship”. I was confused…until I went to church….until I went there where I could be in the presence of God in a special way. Well, what happens there? Why is that such a pivotal place to be? I told you that it is not that he got a full, clear, rational explanation of things. No, not that, but something better. Have you ever been really sick? I mean terribly sick, so sick that you are reduced to just about zero? Have you? And you felt that terrible loneliness and deep anxiety that comes with it, and the heaviness of spirit that it produces. I have. And if you’ve experienced that then you know that at a time like that you don’t need explanations of why things are the way they are. At least I didn’t. You know what I needed? I needed my loved ones to be there — my wife. And I said, “call the kids… just let my children be with me for a little while.” You see, it’s hard to explain, but there is a special kind of peace that comes to a troubled heart when you just are “with” those who are special to you. There is a peace that comes just from being near. We feel safety, security, shalom when we are there. That’s what he is referring to in the last verse, ”…it is good to be near God. I have made the sovereign Lord my refuge….” We begin to get things back into perspective when we are near to God. And what happens then, I’m convinced, is that when we are near to God then we are able to get more of the big picture in mind. You see, one of our problems is that when we are struggling with the difficulties of life, with the big questions of life, then pretty soon all we can see and think of are those problems. We soon are consumed by them. Our perspective becomes so limited. And so we need the opportunity to step back and get the big picture in view again. And that’s what happens when we go to the sanctuary, to church, to worship, to the presence of God. And when we get that big picture in view again, there are three themes that we can recognize, each of which has so much help for us. First, is our view again of the greatness of God. We catch a renewed view of this great God, so big, so sovereign, so almighty that we can’t really get our minds around it all. Have you ever gone to the symphony, and as you listened you notice the theme that the composer built in to his work. You hear the theme, and then for a while you lose it, then you pick it up again, and lose it again, and finally you recognize it again. When we come near to God we pick up again his theme of ruling this world, the theme we had lost sight of. And when we pick it up again, we find ourselves better able to trust him. David experienced the same thing. He wrote in Psalm 27 that when times are touch his one desire is to dwell in the house of the Lord, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. To him, the beauty of the Lord is his greatness, his holiness, and his willingness to care for us. Second, when we get near God we learn about the justice of God. The Psalmist says he got to understand the final destiny of the wicked. Though it may seem today as though people who defy God get away with it; it may seem like those who oppress others win out; that is not true in the long run. They wreak their havoc from slippery places, and sooner or later they will fall. God will cast them to the ground; they will be destroyed; swept away. None of us like those pictures of violent destruction, but there is comfort for wounded people in the truth that evil will be destroyed, wrong will be punished, the scales of justice will finally tip in the right direction… We can trust him!! And in this case, justice brings comfort to us. And the third theme that we learn about when we meet with God is that of his faithful care for us as his children. Listen to these tender words from verses 23—26.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
What wonderful and warm words for a hurting heart! They are words about the perpetual protection of God; about the eternal grace of God; and the strength that we had been looking for while our hearts were so confused. Resolution like that can come only from a sovereign God who is full of grace and mercy, whose covenant faithfulness provides the security for all his children no matter what life brings. This is a God who is true to all his promises, who sent his son Jesus Christ to pay the price for our salvation, who adopts us in Christ that we may be his forever. This is the God who has given us eternal life through his Son Jesus Christ; who has everything in this world under his control, and who has told us that the day will come when his Son, Jesus Christ, will return to bring the climax of history and all wrongs will be righted, all evil destroyed, and finally once—and—for—all truth and righteousness will be established. These words of testimony in this Psalm remind me so much of the testimony of Paul in the powerful eighth chapter of Romans: If God is for us, who can be against us? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31,37—39) Yes, the only full and final resolution to the growling confusion that often rolls around within us in a world like this, can be found when you go to the presence of God, in the sanctuary, in church, in worship. There you can catch the bigger picture. There you can learn of his wise sovereignty, his ultimate justice, and there you can learn of his loving care that comes to us through Jesus Christ the Savior. I hope you have a church to go to. And I hope it’s a church that will tell you the truth about those matters, clearly, straight from God’s Holy Word. “But as for me it is good to be near God”. Yes, it is. I can’t live any other way. I hope you know that’s true for you, too. Oh, God, this is a confusing world. Wrong seems to be popular; and evil sometimes seems to be profitable. Those who love you often have a hard time of it; and those who snub you seem to get away with it. Sometimes that’s so hard, Lord. Please pull us close to you so we can experience your care, and draw us to Jesus Christ so we can experience your grace. Help our churches to be places where we will hear your word clearly and find strength for each new day. In the name of our King Jesus Christ. Amen.

About the Author

Howard Vanderwell

Howard Vanderwell was ordained in the Christian Reformed Church in 1962. He received his M.Div. and Th.M. degree from Calvin Theological Seminary and his D.Min. at Westminster Theological Seminary in California. He has served as pastor to four congregations over 40 years in Iowa, Illinois and Michigan. After leaving the pastorate in 2002 he began a new ministry at Calvin College and Calvin Theological Seminary. He is currently a staff member at the Calvin Institute of Christian Worship at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI and Adjunct Professor of Worship at Calvin Theological Seminary. He consults with local congregations, provides worship materials, leads conferences and workshops, and teaches courses on worship at Calvin Seminary. Howard’‘s interests include planning, leading and evaluating worship, preaching, and worship renewal throughout the evangelical church. “My life-long prayer, from my days as a child, was that I might be honored to serve as a Christian Reformed pastor preaching the Word of God to encourage and challenge his people. I consider the forty years of my pastoral ministry to have been the most valuable way in which I could have invested those years! When I consult with pastors, teach and mentor students, hold conferences for worship leaders, or write worship planning materials, my aim is to equip and inspire others to serve their Lord and Savior by making a whole-hearted investment in his church and his people. Such ministry is certainly not without its stresses and discouragements, and those of us who have found such joy in a life-time of ministry are uniquely fitted to encourage others.” Howard lives in Hudsonville, MI with his wife Eleanor. They have three married sons and ten grandchildren ages 5 through 19. His hobbies are yard-gardening, walking, photography and model railroading.

More >>