Hope In Times Of Grief

By: Scott Greenway

Scripture Reading: 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

May 6th, 2007

A couple months ago, I conducted the funeral service of a five year old boy from our church. About a month before his death, little Sam had been diagnosed with leukemia, which is a form of cancer. In the weeks before his diagnosis his parents had noted that little Sam was not acting like his usual self. He just was not as energetic as he normally was. He didn’t smile as wide, or laugh as loud as he normally would.


When his parents noted that his skin color was changing they brought him to his doctor. At first they suspected he had the flu, but after some blood tests, the doctors had to break the news to his parents. Sam had leukemia. After his diagnosis Sam was immediately admitted into the hospital and aggressively treated with very powerful medicines. He responded very well to the cancer treatments, but sadly his little body was not able to fight off the infections that soon followed. Just three days short of his sixth birthday, little Sam died in the arms of his family.


Times like these are difficult. If you have ever lost someone dear to you, you know what I mean. Death always brings a measure of sadness———that’s true when anyone of any age passes on. A few weeks before Sam’s death, I conducted the funeral service of a man who was in his eighties when he died. He had enjoyed a rich full life with many blessings. Days before he passed on I joined with family members around his bedside as his life was slowly coming to an end. Here again there were many tears and much sadness as his life slowly came to an end. He was, as the Bible describes it, “old and full of years.“ And yet his departure brought sadness. Grief is always painful.


Maybe you can relate to this personally. In fact, right now you may be grieving the loss of someone very dear to you. You know the pain of having to say good—bye to someone you care for deeply. Maybe right now, you are listening to this broadcast sitting at your kitchen table across from an empty chair; and you so dearly miss the one who for many years sat across from you at mealtime. You know the heartache of going places alone, of coming home at the end of the day to an empty house because a loved one has passed on. Or sadly too, you may know what it is like to lose a child because of an accident or illness. You know the pain of grief.


Let’s think about that for a moment. What is grief? What is this pain that we experience when someone passes? How do we know when we are grieving? I looked up the word “grief“ in the dictionary and it said this, “Grief is a feeling of profound sadness; especially as a result of death.“ We grieve whenever something or someone precious to us is taken away. Losing something that is of little importance to us doesn’t affect us much. But losing someone who means so much to us, who means the whole world to us, hurts and hurts deeply.


Researchers who study the subject of grief say that people who grieve usually follow a predictable path. There is a pattern to the way most people grieve. At first there is shock and denial. People say, “This can’t be happening. This must be a bad dream.“ About fifteen years ago a man who was in his nineties passed on from the church I was serving. When his wife, who also was in her nineties learned that he had died she was shocked. Even though they were both well advanced in years, and even though she had been anticipating his death for months—— when it finally came she was shocked. She stood by his bed speechless. They had been married together almost seventy years. She couldn’t imagine life without him. And when he finally passed on, she was so stunned that she couldn’t say a word.


Recently, a young woman attending a local college was killed in a car accident. Her friends and her family were stunned by their sudden loss. For days after her death, her dormitory roommate was unable to go into the room they had shared since the start of their freshmen year. The grieving student was simply in shock. She couldn’t imagine that her friend and roommate, whom she had known since high school, was suddenly gone from her life.


Feelings of shock and denial often give way to a period of anger. This anger can be aimed in different directions. Sometimes there is anger at other people, due to strained relationships in the past. It’s not unusual at funerals and visitations to detect anger among those who are deeply grieving. Sadly, harsh words are sometimes spoken among those who are feeling the pain of grief, and that compounds the hurt they already feel.


Grief sometimes produces anger against God. Grieving people ask, “Why did you do this to me? If you are a loving heavenly Father, why didn’t you heal my dear one? Why? Where is your love, your mercy, your compassion now?“ Often there is anger directed inwardly. Those who grieve wish they had spent more time talking, with the one who is gone. Their grief is laced with feelings of guilt, and deep inside they are angry at themselves. Maybe you can relate to these words. Maybe you wish you could go back in time, and speak with a friend or loved one who is no longer here. You regret missing opportunities that might have brought healing and comfort to them and to you.


Sometimes, too, there is anger with the person who has passed away. This is especially true when someone chooses to take his or her own life. A number of years ago, a man I knew fairly well, early one morning turned a gun on himself. He wanted to end the misery he felt inside. But as it turned out, the misery he tried to escape immediately spread to all his friends and family. Maybe you know what this is like all too well. Your sadness today is mixed with anger toward the person who is gone because you feel cheated and betrayed.


Anger is sometimes followed by feelings of depression, loneliness, and fear. Sadly too, many experience a sense of hopelessness in their grieving. Maybe in your grief you have asked questions like this, “Is this all there is to life? Is life nothing more than a series of painful events and disappointments?“


People who suffer through the death of a child or young person might wonder, “Can anything good possibly come from my loss?“ Others may wonder to themselves, “Do I want to go on living? Can I make it alone, without the dear one I’ve lost?“


It is in times like these that the message of the Bible can give us such great comfort and hope. Look at our Bible passage again. The apostle Paul reminds us that we are not to “grieve like the rest of men.“ This teaches us some very important truths; let’s reflect on some of them together.


First, the Bible plainly tells us that Christians need not feel ashamed of grief. Since the fall of Adam and Eve into sin, grief has been a universal experience. People from all times and places grieve. Jesus himself grieved. The prophet Isaiah tells us that Jesus was “acquainted with grief.“ We know from the gospel of John, that Jesus himself wept at the grave of his friend Lazarus. This is important for Christians to understand because some people mistakenly suggest that Christians should never grieve or be sad, nor weep at the loss of a loved one. No, as our text tells us, there are times when we all grieve. Christians and non—Christians alike grieve.


However, there is something essentially different about the way Christians grieve. This passage in the Bible tells us that Christians “do not grieve like others who have no hope.“ It’s possible to have hope in the midst of grief. It’s possible for us, even in the midst of anger, disappointment, and sadness to still have hope. And hope is the most essential thing anyone can have in times of grief.


Christian hope is based on three great certainties. First, Jesus is alive; second, He will return; and third, when He comes He will raise the dead, and take all who believed in Him to heaven forever. Let’s take a close look at these three certainties.


First, Jesus is alive. We have hope because Jesus lives. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross, and that He paid in full, once for all, the penalty for our sins. On the third day after that he arose from the dead. By his resurrection, he overcame death for himself and for us. Jesus is now in heaven, and from there, one day, he will return. If this were not true, we would have no hope at all.


Second, Jesus will come back. On the day of His return, He will bring with Him all who during their lifetime put their trust in Him as Lord and Savior. What a reunion that will be!


Third, when Jesus comes back He will raise the dead. He who knows everyone’s DNA, will speak the word and the dead will arise wherever their bodies may lie. All who believed in Him, Jesus will graciously give eternal life.


This is the hope the gospel proclaims. Jesus’ body rested in the tomb for three days. The bodies of those who believe in Him may rest much longer. But just as surely as he arose, so too will all those who are in Christ rise again.


To all of you who ask the haunting questions, “Is this all there is to life? Can there be better things in store? Will I see my Christian loved one again? Will this pain ever go away?“ To all of these questions and more, we can say, “Yes indeed! There is hope, because of Jesus.“


That is the promise of the Gospel. The Apostle Paul was so convinced of these things that the Bible says his message could be summarized in four words: “Jesus and the Resurrection.“ (Acts 17:18) Paul described those who die in Christ as being “asleep.“ How could he say that? Because sleep is only temporary. The day is coming when Christ will return, his voice will cry out, “My children, Arise,“ And the dead in Christ will rise to new life, a better life by far, a life with Christ and with each other that will last forever.


That day is approaching, but it’s not here yet. Until it comes, we must do as the scriptures teach us in Second Corinthians, chapter 4:17: we must not lose heart. Because “17? our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


Let me ask you, do you have this hope? You do, if you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ, the Son of God and Savior of the world.


Second, do you know how to find this hope as you grieve the loss of loved ones? The hope we Christians enjoy can become yours right now. When Christ returns we will be together with him and his people forever. You can count on this.


Three days before little Sam passed he shared his last moments of consciousness with his mother. As she caressed his little round face with her hand, she said to him these words, “Sam you know that daddy and mommy love you very much.“ He nodded his head “yes.“ Then she said to him, “You know your sister and your brothers love you very much too.“ Again he nodded his head “yes.“ Then his mother said to him, “You know Jesus loves you so very much, again a big nod “yes.“


And then finally she said to him, “if you need to go to be with Jesus it’s OK, you can go.“ Two days later, he went.


The hope that we have as Christians is this, one day, when Jesus returns, the dead will be raised to new life, and we will be with him forever.


My prayer for you today is twofold. First, my prayer is that you will personally know the hope that Jesus gives to all who believe. Christ gained the victory over death. Everyone who trusts in Christ shares in that victory.


Second, my prayer is that if today you are grieving, you will find comfort and hope in the knowledge of Christ’s resurrection and return. Because of Him, death and decay are not life’s final words.


Will you pray with me?

Prayer

Dear Father, We thank you for the hope that you have provided us in Jesus Christ. You know the pain that we carry with us, you know the regrets, you know the sadness that accompanies so many of our days. We thank you for knowing us and loving us in Christ and for giving us the promise of eternal life with Him forever. Lord, may the truth of the gospel find a place within our hearts today. May we be encouraged with the hope of knowing Jesus. And to all those, Lord, who are not sure, I pray that today they might know Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord and know the hope and the comfort that only he provides. In His name we pray, Amen.

About the Author

Scott Greenway

R. Scott Greenway was born in Mexico City in 1964, as the fourth child of missionary parents. He graduated from Calvin College in 1986, Calvin Theological Seminary in 1991, and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in 2002. He and his wife Kelly (De Jonge) have four children. He pastored the Irving Park Christian Reformed Church in Midland Park New Jersey, and currently pastors the Caledonia CRC in Michigan. He enjoys a variety of outdoor sports including hunting and fishing.

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